Attitude is Everything

I'm staring at the monitor.  Abby's crib is only four feet away and I'm hoping that the typing won’t wake the bear.  She has been a less than an awesome sleeper lately.  Her top two teeth just broke through, so hoping that will end the madness.  I love teething.  And I love that it lasts for two years.  

So, today was one of those days that I wanted to be over by 10:00 am.  You know those days when you wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed, catch every red light, spill your coffee, realize you left your purse on the counter, can't muster up the patience you usually have for your kids...you know the drill.   And if you say no then, yes, you may be excused now.

Abby was cranky because she wouldn't nap and Lucy was throwing a tantrum.  So, yep, perfect time to run some errands with the girls.  We head to Toys R Us, the world’s absolute best errand to check off your list with your 2-year old in tow.  I had Abby in the bjorn and Lucy in the cart, magically transformed from toddler monster to cutest girl ever created. Bribery does work sometimes. They didn’t have the exact sleep sack I wanted for Abby, which was the whole point of the trip. The fun really began when I accidentally turned down the baby doll aisle.  My child is beyond a “baby doll girl”.  She is obsessed, sporting an entourage at all times.  But I told her she’d get a prize if she stopped crying in the car and she only has 47 babies at home, so what the heck.  Funny that I thought I could actually talk through the purchasing process with a doll obsessed 2-year old, confused by the temptation of every baby doll in existence in the same place at one time.  I’m such a rookie.  Do you want the one who goes poo-poo?  Drinks a bottle?  Cries when she's hungry?  Grows hair?  What?  Screaming soon ensued because, of course, she wanted every single one, so I grabbed the closest one and ran.  To the check out line, 20 people deep.  She didn’t forget all the babies left behind.  Nobody did. 

Anyway, it was just one of those mornings….one of those blah mornings for no apparent reason.  

Later I was reading Lucy a book, sticking together and turning a few pages at a time to get through it faster (which rarely works anymore, smarty pants) and reading only the first line of every page.  I really do love reading books with her, but I was more in the illustrations only, five word max per page kind of mood. Then a couple hours later, I listened as Mimi (my mother-in-law) read to her.  Book after book.  No skipped words, no pages "accidentally" stuck together.  She even added commentary.   A book about animals turned into a conversation about Lucy’s favorite pets.   And I learned that we had a turtle, tiger and two butterfly pets at home that I have failed to notice. Valuable information.  

It was a reminder, a small aha moment, that an event as small as reading a book to a two year old can be two completely different experiences.  I'm not beating myself up about it.  We’re all allowed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed once in a while.  We’re allowed to have grumpy, short-nerved, bad or sad parts to our day every now and then.  But it was helpful to acknowledge it, regret it a bit and tell myself that tomorrow is going to be a better start to today.

Abby had her eighth straight day of no seizures (only 1 in 10 days) which is more than enough to take the blah out of any day.  Her neurologist said not to increase the Keppra after all (great news!) but wants to keep her on the current dosage, which wasn't a surprise.  In so many words, he said that lapses in seizures can happen for a couple weeks and then come back, which is always in the back of my mind anyway.  And he won't be ready to discuss weaning off anything or lowering dosage until she's been seizure-free for two years.  When I gave Dr. Frymann the happy update yesterday of still no seizures, I added my usual disclaimer. "I know better than to think these are gone for the long-term" and she looked at me and asked "why would you think that?".  Love me some Dr. Frymann positivity and feel so blessed that her hands are on my baby.